You may be confused as to what exactly a “portmanteau” is and what to do with it.  Rest assured that it’s an extremely safe alternative to wasting time while writing and speaking.  Used properly, portmanteaus will drastically increase your free time.  You’ll no longer have to speak or write two words when one will suffice, thereby doubling your fun time.  Continue reading.
The Merriam-Webster definition of a portmanteau [pawrt-man-toh] is:

“A word… whose form and meaning are derived from a blending of two or more distinct forms.”
Here are some examples:
  • spork-sul-lFork + Spoon = Spork
  • Smoke + Fog = Smog
  • Swish + Squirt = Squish
  • Electro + Execution = Electrocution
…and so on.  The Hebrew language is absolutely full of portmanteaus.  The English language also seems to have many, but over the years, I’ve added numerous ones of my own.  Many have been failures, more have been forgotten, and almost all have been both forgotten and
   Do your best to create your own.  For example, some of my personal creations are as follows… are your friends both friends and enemies?  Call them “frienemies.”  Is the drunk man sitting across from you also your uncle?  Call him your “drunkle.”  Does that tattoo that covers your whole upper body look like a shirt?  Call it a “shirtoo.”  Is that piece of fruit you’re eating somehow both an apple and a peach?  I bet it’s a “peaple.” 
   One warning… always think about your portmanteaus before you vocalize them.  About a year ago, I was around some younger family members and almost portmanteauized “fire” and “truck.”  Think about it…  I stopped myself just in time.  Let that be a lesson.
A Monster [Fire] Truck… a Mruck.

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    See the check below?  Look who it’s made out to… yours truly.  Me.  How did I receive such an enormous check in the mail?  From Microsoft, no less?  It’s called, “owning two shares of Microsoft,” my friend, and earning dividends.  Owning two shares will undoubtedly skyrocket you to the status of part-owner of the Microsoft Corporation, and consequently bestow upon you the honor, power, connections, and wealth that will afford you the ability to never work again.

   I receive these checks quarterly, and subsequently deposit them into my checking account.  Every time I bring one of these jealousy-inducing checks to a teller, I get a look of genuine shock and awe at the size.  I know the tellers are always thinking: “How’s this 20-something, awesome guy getting a check that could change the average person’s life?”  After the deposit, I smile and am on my merry way,  in my Porsche to the bay where my yacht is docked, as you can see below.


   I know what you are asking: “How can I start earning the big bucks like you!?”  Well, it’s not easy.  You will need about $70 to purchase the two shares of Microsoft and to cover the cost of the trade.  Difficult, yet extremely rewarding.
   You can be a millionaire in no time.  At 26 cents every three months, it will take you only 962,000 years to reach one million dollars!  Get started!

My Porsche.

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