I have somewhat abandoned my self-imposed 11 pm computer curfew... in case you haven't noticed. Even if I were still following it, this post would warrant being the exception.

That being said, I think it's important to write about mangoes. Sadly, I only was only introduced to mangoes a couple of years ago, so I missed over a fifth of a century of mango-enjoyment.

Mangoes taste like awesome. Mangoes are the perfect combination of juiciness, stringiness, yellowish/orangish color, flavor, density, smell, texture, weight, and size. When I see one on in the grocery store, it is very exciting. My only qualm with the mango is the size of the seed in the middle. It is SO big... too big, if you ask me. If it were up to me, no fruits would have seeds... or they would disappear once the fruit ripens since seeds are key to reproduction. I am going to invent a new breed of fruit. I can called it "De-seed Fruit." I like it, but it might sound too much like "Diseased Fruit."

Back to mangoes...

You are wondering how I prepare one the best way so it tastes so great? Well, I take my time in my preparations. I am meticulous in getting my mango ready for consumption. Why? For two reasons: 1. So it's perfect when I'm ready to eat it and 2. The longer anything takes to prepare, the more you'll enjoy it when consumed - delayed satisfaction.

Here's a picture of a mango:

So, one day I plan to get a dog. I'll want to get a papillion.. I know, very manly, but whatever because tiny dogs are awesome. ANYWAY, an issue has arisen because I cannot decide on a name. I do have a while before I actually get the dog, so there's no rush, but I've created a short list of names. I plan to expand it until the time I get the dog, at which point I will probably have to cancel my plans to buy a dog because I wont be able to settle on a name. Before I present you with this list, however, here's a picture of a [full-grown] papillion go with the options of names:

Chicken

11

2008 (so I remember what year I bought the dog and thus, its birthday or at least its birthyear)

Robot

Voldemort

Awesome

That, my friends, is my list.

A few weeks ago, I finished reading Eragon, by Christopher Paolini. Yes, I know he started to write the book when he was 15 years old, but I didn't realize that until after I started reading it, and then I decided to finish reading it anyway. However, despite the fact that in many places it's quite obvious that the book was written by a teenager, such as what I felt was a lack of depth of certain personalities, the book was actually very good. So, I am now about 150 pages into book number two of the trilogy, Eldest. I'm also number 48 in line (which means that it will be 37 years until I receive it) for the third book, Brisingr, at the Boston Public Library. Keep in mind, though, that the main reason I'm reading this series is to fill my magical-power-children's book gap that Harry Potter left until I restart the Harry Potter series.

I know nothing will ever to be able replace Harry Potter, but I can pretend other books can when I'm having Potter withdrawals... that's probably the best way to handle the withdrawal symptoms.

I have given myself a computer/tv curfew. From now on, I will not allow myself to be on the computer or watching TV, which I haven't done much of lately anyway, past 11 pm [on weeknights]. It's so easy to get caught up in wasting time... you start watching TV or surfing the internet at 11:30 pm on Sunday night, then all of a sudden it's Tuesday morning of the following week, and you haven't eaten, showered, or slept in over a week. That happens ALL the time. So, that is why I've proposed to myself and accepted the proposition, of a curfew. It begins tonight. RIGHT NOW.

Perhaps going to sleep at a normal hour will prevent me from having weird dreams. Last time, I fell asleep at 5 am, only to begin dreaming that I was in a new bedroom, in a bed, totally unable to fall asleep. After not being able to fall asleep, having dreams that you can't sleep isn't so much fun. So, let's fight back by falling asleep at a normal hour.

NOW IT BEGINS.

This MP3 is a recorded call of a little girl in Ireland calling a demolition company to destroy her school. It's hilarious, and it's even better that the accents are Irish. One day I hope to have an Irish accent. I'm a dreamer.

Great.

Let me share with you all a little secret. It's common knowledge that candy corn may be the best candy around, ever, but few know to how to bring the corn to it's full potential. I discovered it because I've only been able to buy stale candy corn from the Butchery since they are the only carrier of kosher candy corn. So, after buying [and eating] some stale, crunchy candy corn, and destroying every single one of my teeth, I thought, there must be a way to soften these babies up. So I popped them in the microwave, and OH MY GOODNESS GREATEST THING OF ALL TIME. That is the secret.

Click above to enlarge the mathematical equation

I hope you all know that the picture on the right is of Balki and Larry, and that they are very happy... happy enough to be floating in the air. I think you understand the meaning of the equation.

The moral of this post? Put candy corn in the microwave.

I am now the proud owner of Piratester.com

What will I do with the website, you ask? Well, first, I will build the basics of the site using a program called "Website Tonight." Then, I will learn how to do a few (very few) more things. Then I will have a professional build the website.

The website will be like facebook, but instead of being focused on college students, it'll focus on pirates. Pirates also need a way to network. You could be a pirate and not even know it, so you should probably join the site. The site will be pirate-themed, along with having pirate news, and perhaps I'll find a pirate who is also a blogger.

If anyone has any ideas, I'm totally open.

Yesterday, at Walgreens, I bought a new toothbrush. It is awesome. Here's the a pic.

It's fantastic, and does everything, uses a battery, has some sort of scrubber, has a bunch of bristles, some of the bristles are different colors, it vibrates, the package is cool and feels like a bubble, it's specially contoured for the human hand, and the best thing, it's accented in orange-the best color. So, since it's white and orange, it's like brushing my teeth with a creamsickle, and there's nothing better than that. AND, I used a $2.00 off coupon.

For the past 24 years, brushing my teeth has been a pet peeve of mine. BUT NO MORE. This toothbrush is so much fun to use that it even inspired me to floss. My mouth is now so clean that you could eat off it.


P.S. Yes, I do realize that I started sentences with both an "and" and a "but," and I will do it again. Why? Because.

Wow. Fun. Check out this website. Here's a screenshot of the ending:


The website is a Dutch Department Store's called HEMA. Just watch it.

Here's a photo I took while studying in Jerusalem a couple years ago. I set my camera to filter out all colors except blue... and it looks amazing.

Click the picture to enlarge it

Ah, how I miss Israel.

Anyway, I've decided I'll also posted photos I've taken here. So be ready.

I just noticed a direct correlation between my happiness level throughout day and whether I sing in the shower that morning. Also, immediately after I step out of a shower singing session, I'm happier than I am when I step out of the shower after a non-singing shower session, regardless of the time of day. Normally, I'm a night-showerer, but lately I've been showering both at night and in the morning, just because showering is so much fun. I think I'll have to choose one or the other for the environment's sake, though.

This picture is from a site called Singing Shower, and there's lots of videos about the acoustics of singing in the shower. The best part? The people in the videos are speaking Hebrew! So, I got to murder two birds with one stone by both learning the proper way to sing in the shower and by getting to brush up on my Hebrew skills. In one of the videos, a woman sings Old McDonald Had a Farm in Hebrew, but still says "e i e i o" in English. Weird.

I couldn't find any studies correlating singing in the shower and happiness, but if I had, I could state that:

singing in the shower = happiness

So, seeing as though singing in the shower directly correlates to happiness, as stated above*, I believe that I will sing in the shower every single day. Also, if you're ever feeling blue, go ahead and give it a try. Happy songs are best, obviously, so no depressing emo or dashboard confessional business. Keep it fun, or else. Seriously.


*since it's in bold, it's centered, and I used an "=" sign, it becomes the truth.

I have to call customer service for something or other about every other day, and I always have to spell out something, whether it's my name or address. The problem is that I can never think of an easily discernible, short, and well-known word that sounds unlike any other word quickly enough. For example, my name, Adam. A, as in Apple, D, as in dog, A, as in... etc. Sounds easy, but it's not, especially when the pressure's on. So, I've taken it upon myself to learn the military alphabet. Not only will it save me some time, but it's awesome. In case you don't know it, here it is:

A: Alpha
B: Bravo
C: Charlie
D: Delta
E: Echo
F: Foxtrot
G: Golf
H: Hotel
I: India
J: Juliet
K: Kilo
L: Lima
M: Mike
N: November
O: Oscar
P: Papa
Q: Quebec
R: Romeo
S: Sierra
T: Tango
U: Uniform
V: Victor
W: Whiskey
X: X-Ray
Y: Yankee
Z: Zulu

It's not hard to learn, so it's definitely worth the 10 minutes I'll spend learning it.

Golf, Oscar, Oscar, Delta, November, India, Golf, Hotel, Tango.

Fantastic.

I wish I were still in college and living in the dorms so I could have dozens of victims for this prank.

Here are a few awesome items I found... mostly I discovered them in Budget Travel magazine while in the waiting room for the doctor.

• Item #1: The Merchant of Venice on One Page
  

A one page book of Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice. Awesome. When I move into another apartment, this print will be the first decoration I buy.

• Item #2: Reef Stash Sandals
  

I can't even begin to talk about how useful these sandals would be. Too bad I hate beaches.

• Item #3: Travel Soap Sheets from Irvs.com

These sheets are incredibly useful. When I travel, I normally carry a very thin, tiny container of sheet soap and mini bottles for body wash, shampoo, and skin cleanser, but I had no idea that everything was available in sheets. Awesome.

• Item #4: A FabMap from Rand McNally

These maps would be convenient on any trip. They are fabric maps. They are tearproof, wrinkleproof, and waterproof! Amazing. When I went to San Francisco I used a very small folding map that I used erasable whiteboard markers on to plot out itinerary each day. I think I used different colors for each day. Yes, I know, I am THAT guy who plans it all out... but wed did deviate from my plan, so I'm flexible. Anyway, the next time I visit anywhere, I'm gonna buy one of these babies to go along with me.


Those are the four items for tonight. Buy them all. They are awesome.

I wear a yarmulka around town, so it's pretty obvious that I'm Jewish. Every time I see someone else wearing a yarmulka and he sees me, we both nod or "hello." There's a connection between all Jews, sometimes you feel it, sometimes you see it. However, sometimes I'm wrong about "seeing it." Sometimes I see a guy wearing a beige-colored yarmulka and so I get all pumped up and ready to give him the nod or say "hello," but upon closer inspection, it turns out he's just going bald! Certain hair-loss patterns totally throw my Jew-dar off. Receding front hairlines and total baldness are fine because there's no confusion as to whether the area in question is hair or yarmulka. BUT, when the baldness is a circular spot on the top of the head? How am I supposed to know if it's a yarmulka or a bald spot?

Here's a picture I drew of it:

Oy.

I don't think I can solve this dilemma... unless I can somehow destroy baldness. Since I'm not a doctor, though, I don't think I'll be able to create a cure. However, it would be quite the panacea, seeing the myriad of problems it would solve in the world, not to mention how much the shampoo companies would love it.

I also should keep in mind that I've never actually seen a beige-colored yarmulka and consequently, I've been wrong every single time I think someone is wearing one. Nonetheless, I still get my hopes up every time. I will never give up. Never.

Man, these Chad Vader videos are hilarious. Here's the latest one I watched.

They are all awesome, and all the videos are posted on their website, Blame Society.