See the check below? Look who it’s made out to… yours truly. Me. How did I receive such an enormous check in the mail? From Microsoft, no less? It’s called, “owning two shares of Microsoft,” my friend, and earning dividends. Owning two shares will undoubtedly skyrocket you to the status of part-owner of the Microsoft Corporation, and consequently bestow upon you the honor, power, connections, and wealth that will afford you the ability to never work again.
I receive these checks quarterly, and subsequently deposit them into my checking account. Every time I bring one of these jealousy-inducing checks to a teller, I get a look of genuine shock and awe at the size. I know the tellers are always thinking: “How’s this 20-something, awesome guy getting a check that could change the average person’s life?” After the deposit, I smile and am on my merry way, in my Porsche to the bay where my yacht is docked, as you can see below.

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