My Life: The TV Show – The House of Adam

   I would like to turn my life into a TV show.  A convergence of TV and my life would be the perfect adventure in comedy and awesome.

   Why would I like my life to be a TV show?  For four reasons.

   1.  A live, studio audience!  Every single person, at one point, including you, has wished that he had an audience to hear that hilarious comment he made that no one else heard.  How could you not want an audience to be there for when you say something ingeniously funny?  There would be laughter all the time on my show!  Plus, the audience would “oooh” and “ahhh” and clap and cheer at all the right times.  You cannot go wrong.   No way.

   2.  A theme song!  A song written specifically for me by Frank Sinatra (posthumously), Lionel Richie, and Nine Days.  Those artists and band would sit down together and they would craft a musical gem for me.   It would be a magical opening theme song that would tug at your heartstrings, strum on your soul, and press down on your laughter button.

   3.  I would also, essentially, be getting paid to live.  And living while getting paid.  Ergo, my job would simply be to get paid.  Job = Get Paid.  What an equation.  What a life.  Very acceptable.

   4.  I would be a beloved TV star!  Babies would be put to bed while clutching a stuffed likeness of me.  Girls would have posters of me on their walls.  Boys would play with action figures of me.  Adults would keep pictures of me in their wallets and purses.  Ninjas would praise me.  Zombies would cower before me.  Chuck Norris would probably even submit to me without a fight.  It would be wonderful.

  The next step?  Pitch it to NBC.  How could they not want this hilarious jaunt through the house of Adam.  That’s what it should be called: The House of Adam.

 

Dear TV networks (even local channels):  I’m willing to accept any reasonable offer.