To Monocle or Not To Monocle, That Is the Answer.

   I wish people still wore monocles.  Why?  Because monocles are half the mass of glasses but twice the awesome.  If it were more practical I would definitely wear one.  Many years ago I actually wore one for a costume, and consequently that costume turned out to be the best costume of all-time.  On the downside, though, I remember that it was insanely difficult to keep the monocle in place.  Maybe that was because I have a tiny head, or because the monocle was giant, or because it was a $3.00 novelty monocle.   Who knows.

   I wear glasses sometimes… when I’m in the mood.  I can read and see without them, but they make my life a tad bit easier.  However, one of my eyes, my right one, is much weaker than my left.  So, I would guess that if it weren’t for the weak link that is my right eye, I wouldn’t have glasses at all.  The logical conclusion of my eye dilemma?  A monocle.  It would absolutely perfect.  It wouldn’t be a cheap novelty one, or a huge one, but perfectly shaped, contoured, adjusted, and fitted to sit beautifully in my unique eye socket.   So, a monocle actually can be practical.

   I have drawn a picture to help illustrate the inevitable effects of: 1. not wearing a monocle, and; 2. wearing a monocle.  Whilst pondering the image below in relation to your future, remember that at the end of your life, you will either be a monocler (a monocle wearer) or a non-monocler (a non-monocle wearer) – both resulting in your face resembling that of the egg-shaped people in my illustration.  Now, ponder away…

 

 

   Why waste a full pair of glasses when you need only half a pair?  Since I need only one lens, it would be a waste to use two lenses, and the monocle would thus cost only half the price of a full pair of glasses.  Plus, it would take up less space.  It’s disgustingly annoying to keep a huge, bulky, oddly-shaped glasses case in my backpack while I travel.  A monocle case would be perfect.  Much smaller, smoother, rounder, and easier to carry.  A wonderful solution!

   In addition to the monocle, a top hat and cane would complement the look beautifully.  Read my post from last August about top hats and canes for a taste of 19th-century greatness.

      No, I am not trying to dress like Mr. Peanut, it just happens that Mr. Peanut knows what’s awesome and follows his instincts.  This world would be a much better place if we all took a hint from Mr. Peanut.  Remember that.  He’s a smart one, that Mr. Peanut.