“Finally, an update!  Where have you been?!”  – that’s what you’re thinking.  Good thought.  Let me explain.  I’ve been out of commission from surgery.  There will be 1-2 more surgeries soon, so hopefully you’ll be able to bear more time, after those surgeries, without posts.  Be strong.  You will survive.

Also, today is the one year anniversary of my blog!  Happy Birthday to The Greatest Site Ever! 


Now, to the post:

   I’ve realized, through my many years of existence, that there’s a beautifully direct correlation between whatever you wear on your feet and your success/accomplishment level.  This correlation is not only perfect, but it’s immediate.  Your level of success and accomplishment depends on whether you wear flip-flops, sandals, sneakers, boots, semi-formal shoes, fancy shoes, and most importantly, slippers.  Today, I will explain why one who wears flip-flops will certainly fail… and probably get hurt.

   First, here’s a graph (in the form of a thermometer) that I created.  It reflects the aforementioned correlations.  It’s awesome.


Shoe Meter


   Let me explain why flip-flops correlate to the lowest level of success; it is nearly impossible to accomplish anything of significance while wearing flip-flops.  There is no back on them, only a thin piece of foam between your foot and the ground, and only rubber between your toes and over the front of your foot holding your foot to the flop (or the flip.  I think the flop).  How caflipflopn you accomplish anything while wearing something like that?  Foam never equals success.  Never.  Foam fails [and kills].  Remember that.

   Also, ask yourself, “When do people wear flip-flops?”  The answer should give you serious insight as to why flip-flops inevitably lead to a lack of success.  People wear flip-flops when they sit on a lawn chair or lie in the sand at the beach.  Both are activities where nothing productive is usually accomplished.   Plus, I do not like sand at all.

    It’s totally impossible to safely walk above the speed of .05 miles per hour while wearing flip-flops.  If you do walk faster, you’re bound to take a fatal tumble.  So, with flip-flops, not only will you lie down and accomplish nothing, if you even attempt to move, you’ll move so slowly that you’ll regret ever being born.

    When wearing an item on your foot, that item must protect your foot.  It also must allow you to move freely.  Flip-flops pretend to guard the feet from injury while actually hindering movement and flopping all over the place.  A foot-covering should not flop.  Why?  Because 1. No one has ever attributed his or her success to a flop, and 2. Flopping is obtrusive and annoying, and 3. Just as foam fails, flop fails.  So, foam fails, flop fails, and ultimately, flip will fail you, too.  Thus, flip-flops are the enemy of feet.

       To sum it up, flip-flops lead to regret, failure, and possibly a fatality.

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