Dogs vs. Cats: The Last Stand

Since my opinion is objective, I can definitively state that dogs are better than cats:

"Dogs are better than cats."

The 9 Most Important Reasons Why Dogs are Better than Cats:

1. All cats are evil, all the time, in everything that they do. Everything a dog does is innocent, even if he or she bites you. A dog will bite someone only out of love, whereas a cat bites and scratches out of hatred.
   
2. Cats always have an ulterior motive (probably something evil). Why do dogs do everything they do? Because they love you.
   
3. Cats are sneaky, mean, and vengeful. Dogs are kind, loving, and forgiving.
4. Although cats' motives are always evil, a cat's specific evil goal of his or her evil act is unclear. Ask yourself, "Is this cat's act part of a larger plan to destroy me or is it an individual act of hatred?" Alternatively, everything a dog does is transparent. You always know why a dog does something, and it is always to make you happy.
5. Cats are out to destroy you. They are always watching you and plotting. Always. If you ever see a cat casually watching you, know that you aren't being "casually" watched, but instead intensely observed. Dogs watch you because simply seeing you makes them happy.
   
6. Cats are scary. Dogs are not.
7. Cats can be elusive, dogs cannot.
8. Dogs do funny things. They are like comedians that follow you around all day for free, telling hilarious, G-rated humor. Cats, on the other hand, have funny things happen to them, and are more like that friend in your high school social group who everyone laughed at, but then when you got older you started to feel bad for him for all the bad things that happened to him. Cats are that guy.
   
9. Cats have very sharp claws, abrasive tongues, and stupid faces.

Although there are hundreds of more reasons why dogs are better than cats, I think these are the 9 most important and easiest-to-grasp reasons.


Lastly, look at this disgusting-looking cat and the cute, little dog (a papillion).


Now, unless you are completely irrational, you should be convinced that dogs are better than cats. If, when it comes to decision making, you tend to make your decision based on intellectual and logical arguments, then the 9 reasons should have appealed to you and swayed you in the direction of dog-loving and cat-despising. If you tend to base your decisions on emotions, then the above two photographs should have appealed to you. In addition to displaying the vastly disparate levels of beauty of these two animals, the pictures also reflect the levels of integrity, personality, and love that the respective soul of the average dog and cat have reached.


Please remember this old (or new, rather, because I coined it) adage: Dogs build, cats destroy.